Day One.

i. do you know how enchanting your voice is? i wish
        i could listen to you talk and talk and talk until
        the day is over. i can feel my mind melting every
        time you speak. when you are here i can shout about
        how wonderful life is, even in the darkest of days.
        you are the only reason i can ever feel alive.

ii. you are the strangest of lights; i try to understand
        how your mind works and i cannot; maybe you don't
        even know. i remember, though, how your eyes sparkled
        when we were walking in the summer.

iii. you make me feel so evanescent. for you, i am a balloon
        you blow every time you're unhappy.  i love you and
        respect you deeply, but i have to remind you that i was
        not made for decoration.


iv. you make me feel like a glorious person; and then like a
        sadistic monster. i know i cause the storms inside your
        lungs, and that freaks me out, because i'm turning into
        something  i detest. i wish i could have my friend back.

v. you have become everything i wish to become. i don't know
        if this makes me stronger or weaker. at least i can have
        someone to look up to, but following isn't always easier
        than leading the way.

vi + vii. you two are like, totally intertwined with each other.
                i wish you could help me decide. i wish you could read
                my mind and set me free.  for some weird reason, i feel
                restrained, i still do, and that's because you taught
                me about freedom.

viii. you have no idea how much you've hurt me. this sounds so
        cliché, i know, but you make me feel so common; so not
        unique; so fragile. once you were a nightmare, you know.
        you existed everywhere anytime, like some grotesque
        god of illness.

ix. i want you to open your eyes, so fucking much. don't
        you understand that what you do is ridiculous? will
        you ever do something you will truly feel proud of?
        can't you see this path you take leads to nowhere,
        only because it's made of your insecurities?

x. my dearest, tell me why they sent me in your childhood
        memories. you must know the truth of the world now.
        perhaps you could give a relieving answer different
        from tea drunk in valerian.